


Help Me Feel

by orphan_account



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Murder, No Romance, Please Don't Hate Me, Stabbing, Twisted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:07:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: eric has never been able to feel any kind of emotion, so tonight, he will get the help of someone else to feel something.
Relationships: Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Help Me Feel

**Author's Note:**

> ok i know this is tagged as Juric, but the most that really happens to establish any kind of romantic feelings is Juyeon set up a night to get into Eric's pants. other than that, there is very little Juric actually in this. anyway, this isn't the kind of thing i usually write but i was bored and i felt edgy. so enjoy i guess. (probably will delete eventually, this is kinda ass)

practice ended hours ago, the dorm was quiet besides the subtle sound of a fan spinning in the room. the youngest boy in the dorms was sat in his bedroom, roommates currently vacant, off somewhere else. though, he didn't really care about what they were currently doing at that moment. 

there was a problem that was currently much more important to him. in fact, it has important to him for his entire life so far. a problem he couldn't seem to fix no matter how hard, no one could fix for him. not even he could fix it, trust him when he said that he tried. what was his problem? 

he couldn't feel anything. 

nothing affected him, at all. he tried watching videos that made people happy but nothing happened. tried hurting himself to feel pain, it was there, but it didn't seem to do anything to him emotionally. 

at least he knew he was alive, somewhat at least. if you couldn't feel any emotions, were you really alive? he never really thought so, since he quickly realized that emotions were a big part of being human. even things that he witnessed his members get emotional seemed to never affect him at all. not even their first win got him truly moved. of course, though, he learned pretty early on how to pretend. when he saw others sad, he would start to copy their actions to seem human, just like them. 

it didn't make sense, what was wrong with him? why couldn't he feel anything? one day, he wanted to be able to feel happiness or sorrow without having to fake it. there was only thing left that he hadn't tried yet, but he knew it was incredibly dangerous to do it. 

slowly, he turned his head to look at the door to his bedroom. brown, empty eyes looking into the dull shine of the silver handle of the doorknob. almost without realizing he stood up from his bed, walking to the door and opening it. time felt like it started to slow down, as he was putting the plan he had been plotting for days into complete motion. as he closed the door to his room behind him, he heard the sound of a voice calling for him. 

"eric~ah, the other members are out for dinner. it's just us tonight, aren't you excited?" the voice, who he quickly identified as juyeon, spoke out to him. as he rounded the corner, the sight of juyeon standing in the kitchen came to him. the older male was in a white button-up shirt, the first three buttons were undone so his chest was exposed. 

tension in the air made it entirely obvious, along with the obnoxious smirk on juyeon's face, of what he wanted to do. there was clearly a reason why juyeon scared the other members out of the house, considering the fact that most would have a heart attack over paying for food after practice. 

"for what." eric asked in a monotone voice, the one he always used when he was too tired to pretend anymore. he realized that voice made him sound bored, but in reality, he really was, so maybe it worked. instead of looking at the only other person in the room, the sight of shining silver blades attracted his attention instead. 

"i don't know, maybe we could do something fun together tonight, just the two of us?" juyeon spoke, letting his guard down for a moment while he so obviously checked out eric. said male walked over to where the cutting utensils were put away, fingers ghosting over the handle of one of them. soon, he grabbed onto one gently and pulled it from out of its display to expose the blade. 

"eric-ah, what's that for?" juyeon asked out of curiosity, becoming a bit visibly nervous. nothing was said by the younger male when he started to walk closer to the other, wielding the sharp utensil before him. their eyes soon met, juyeon's having a hint of fear lying deep within them, much different from the bedroom eyes he was showing before. 

"juyeonnie hyung, you know. i've never been able to feel any emotion, i don't even know what it's like to really feel pain." eric started, lifting the blade up slightly so that the tip was upwards. slowly, he walked closer to the older, aiming the knife for his abdomen. "not once, has anything gotten me to feel anything." 

at this point, eric was fully aware of how nervous and afraid juyeon must've been. telling by the way he started to shift uncomfortably and started to move in a direction that wasn't near him. 

"you mean, you don't feel anything towards me? but, i thought.." complete fear was now prominent in juyeon's tone, far from the one he had moments ago. he began to step back, eventually getting trapped up against a wall, eric now standing in front of him. 

"no, never. have you ever heard of acting? i'm pretty good, aren't i, hyung?" eric smiled, it wasn't anything like his type of innocent smile, there was something sinister lying beneath it. "i fooled you, didn't i?" 

the silver blade inched closer to juyeon's abdomen, soon poking against the thin cloth of his shirt. with a bit of force applied, eric could probably easily tear through the thin fabric. "hey, do you want to help me feel something tonight? i don't know if you'll be able to stick around much after though, but it'll be okay." 

juyeon began to frantically shake his head, his breathing starting to pick up a faster pace than the normal relaxed one. more his body moved, causing the terrifyingly sharp blade to rip a small tear in his thin shirt. "no, no, no. eric, please don't do this. i'm sure there is a better way. it's okay, i won't tell anyone about this." 

those words didn't exactly make eric want to spare him, instead they made him want to act faster. what kind of friend was he? 

"what? no. juyeonnie, you're my friend, why wouldn't you help me?" trying to get into juyeon's mind, he gave him the same look he knew would get him. though, it didn't really help that he was starting to push the knife up against juyeon's skin. "you don't love me. just say it." 

slowly, eric started to apply more pressure with blade up against the older male's soft and fragile skin. a sharp inhale came from the other, a hand shooting up to grab onto eric's shoulder. 

"eric, i do love you. i love you so much, i don't want to leave you. please don't do this..." juyeon started to feel himself get choked up on tears, making it harder to speak. streams of tears fell down his cheeks, more quiet and almost inaudible pleads for mercy left his lips. 

eric thought to himself for a moment, desperately trying to find it in himself to feel something from hearing juyeon beg for his life. nothing, nothing came to him, not even a slight pang of guilt. he plunged his wrist forwards, forcing the blade into juyeon's skin. a loud shout of pain erupted from juyeon, his grip on eric's shoulder tightening greatly. 

"nothing you say will change me." eric spoke with no emotion in his voice as he lifted his head up ever so slightly so he could meet juyeon's eyes. juyeon's face was twisted in uncomfort and pain, while eric's stayed stone cold. slowly, eric twisted his wrist, turning the blade inside of juyeon's abdomen, earning him a cry of pain from juyeon. 

"eric-" juyeon was about to say something when eric interrupted him, ripping the knife from out of him. he looked to the younger's eyes, hoping that maybe he finally did take mercy on him. that hope didn't last for long, soon being shattered when he felt the sharp blade plunge into him below his ribs. blood began to pool in his mouth, causing him to cough when he inhaled. 

juyeon desperately searched for any kind of remorse in the younger's expression, but when he truly looked into his eyes he knew his fate was sealed. he would die that night, no matter how many times he tried to beg for his life. eric was truly emotionless, it was obvious now, there was nothing but cold emptiness in his dark eyes. 

he doubled down over in pain, his legs soon failing him when there was yet another stab wound in his torso. there, eric looked down at him, his cold eyes staring into him. eric leaned down, pulling the knife out of juyeon's body so he could hold it once more. he analyzed everything about the older male while he stood there, soon noticing that he had stopped begging him to stop. 

that's when eric knelt down in front of him, tilting his head while he looked at juyeon with an innocent stare. "juyeonnie, this is pretty fun, isn't it? don't you love helping me? well, i still don't really feel anything yet, but it's okay." 

eric waited a couple of minutes for juyeon to maybe beg for his life again, or maybe look up at him. juyeon's head was hung low, so eric couldn't really see his facial expressions that well anymore. that's when eric lifted his fingers to feel for a pulse in juyeon's throat. he felt time stop completely, he froze, dropping the knife in the process. 

juyeon's pulse had slowly diminished while eric had his fingers against his throat, he felt his very last heart beat. then it finally hit him, he just killed his best friend. juyeon really was gone, and it was all his entirely his fault. 

finally, he felt it, in a big rush he felt it. pain and sorrow, they hit him all at once. his eyes welled up with tears almost immediately, and his chest grew tight. the only wish he ever had in life was finally granted, but in the worst way possible. 

sorrow swallows the small frame of the young teenager in the now painfully silent room. every other second a sound could be heard but it's not the sound of anyone talking, instead it's his sobs. he couldn't believe what he had done, it was all because he was selfish and wanted to feel something at last. 

slowly, he lifted his head up to look at juyeon's lifeless body. he moved the hand that once held the knife to hold juyeon's cold one, gripping it tightly as if he was still there. it really was true, juyeon was gone forever and there was nothing he could do about it now. eric collapsed onto the floor, his upper half leaning up against juyeon's chest, blood seeping onto his shirt. 

he froze completely when he heard the sound of the dormitory entrance door opening, the sound of his groupmates speaking now flooding his ears. then, when they walked into the kitchen, what was once happy chatter became screams of horror.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bitten by Paranoia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204118) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




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